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About Varied / Hobbyist Core Member MyouMale/United States Groups :iconmindalteringdrugs: mindalteringdrugs
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Deviant for 11 Years
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I promised I'd be there
In case you needed me, whenever.
Whether it be however important, however irrelevant,
However critical or crazy the reason may have been,
I promised I would there.

But this promise I can't say I broke.
A promise can get broken from either end of things,
And a promise is no promise when one just becomes a back up plan.
"'I love you's" not "I love you" when you're all alone and sad
Or when you say it so someone says it back to you.
A promise made for naught hurts just as much as
Those cheap and store bought lies designed to shatter into shards of frozen tears.
Only it's so much more excruciating and knows the worst of all your fears.
A promise isn't just a back up plan
For when you want someone to rescue you
When all your terrors and fears come snarling.

It's the warmth you hold with all you have when nothing else is left,
The one thing to keep close to you when the vicious world has taken all the rest.
And it's starting to seem as though you couldn't give a damn whether I'm dead, alive, closest, or nearest.

Forgive me for the cynicism
But I'm not dumb and it's not hard to see
You may be busy but that's not the whole of it:
You just want nothing more to do with me.
I try to be a good person, I really do
But at times I hear a voice inside
Tell me "Thats not really you,
It may have been so long ago, but that boy has died."

And where his fragile heart was remains an empty darkness,
It lingers, right behind his breastbone, beating somehow,
Hiding. Just like the indifferent, spiteful starkness,
That hides behind that smile that he manages to make... somehow.

"Clearing me of my delusions, just once more..."
Or perhaps it's simply my reality you're clearing me of?
Well, whichever lie's the one that matters more,
I'll take what I can get; it's not as if I'll rise into the stars above.

I'd really rather have it all erased,
Like A.I. willingly performing suicide; descending into 'death,'
There's too many memories I've yet to face,
I'd prefer avoiding them 'til past my dying breath.

What is happiness
when you've never felt the cold?
What is cold
when you weren't warm in your own mothers arms?
What is death
when long ago your soul was sold?
And what's a soul
when you're reborn into the devil's arms?

So do you remember walking through those doors,
Casual, expressionless, consumed in trance,
Do you go over it every day, begging for the slaughter of one more?
Do you beg in every dream and nightmare to be covered in a rain of blood
While you regretlessly do Death's dance?
Or do you sleep just as well as all the dead you sent to heaven
When you pray to God and cling just as hard to your holy number Seven?
Magnum .357 in your mouth,
Contemplation in your mind,
Irrational thoughts and it's all going south,
And there's not an answer you can find.
Just a millisecond of the loudest explosion,
Just to annihilate all the corrosive emotions.

No more tears left to cry,
Nothing left to do,
When its so tempting simply to die.
Nothing left to do
But leave all of your 'loved ones' behind.

But they'll get over it-
Something you could never do.
Because existing like this never fit;
All that you loved turned into a lie
That you'd always thought was true.

Just like the blood everywhere,
And the cuts that you made yourself in despair,
And the death that you crave so intensely...
But its the same death that you fear so immensely.

And then I think if I lost you
Or never met you.
You mean so much to me
I'd annihilate anyone that ever upset you.

I know the pain in the words that you say.
And the anguish in the words that you write.
And I'd do anything just to hold you
And tell you that its all okay.
But I know that it doesn't matter
How much i wish that you were alright.

You mean so much to me,
So much more than you know,
I know there's distance between you and me,
But even your voice makes my dark empty soul start to glow.

I know that I don't mean that much to you-
And that's okay because you mean so much to me,
That making you smile is just what i want to do...
And I just want you to know how much you inspire me...

Since I met you I found someone i can identify with,
So intellectual and intricate;
I thought that was only a myth.
I'll always be here for you, always be there,
Whether or not i have to hitch-hike a hundred miles

I'll be there for you anywhere.
I use my words like they're weapons,
Like the hornet grenades in that Department of Corrections-
It's like a bomb going off when I'm going off,
I'm so far gone that even when i was born they said i was 'bad off.'

I'd step on you on my way up but I'm already past your level,
But i will on my way down just to burn it to the ground
Because i am the devil.
I'm the worst of your night terrors and more,
The worst case scenario you never prepared for,

But thats okay because ive looked in the mirror...
At this point all that's reflected is loneliness and fear.
The fear that I'll lose you- the fear i wont hear you,
the crawling of thoughts in my head that ill never be near you...

But lets put all of that aside...
Why would you hide
When i know where the center of the maze resides?

I know for a fact that not once have I lied
Or left you abandoned,
Or empty and stranded.

So now im just ranting or perhaps self convincing,
Theres no time left for bullshit, no words left for mincing.
But theres time for those dark thoughts since
Dead bodies dont really do that much wincing.

They see all the scars, they just look away,
Yet again my presence ruined the day,
Better yet, my day ruined your day.
And then they see that youre sad,
They see that youre mad,
They see that youre starving, for someone or something,
Or even just to be had.
It's agonizing to want so painfully bad
To speak or be heard or to love or to hear,
But no one loves the monsters,
You should've considered that before you became one, my dear.


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Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States



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Shining-Scribe Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Hello there! Thank you very much for choosing to join :iconunseen-writers:. Feel free to submit your written works to our gallery and help yourself to sampling the works of other writers our gallery has to offer. A writing prompt, our theme of the week, is produced every Monday to help provide creative inspiration. I hope we'll be able to help you grow as a writer. Heart
Sdrodeo Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
I would just like to let you know that the person (:iconextremeexrement1:) that you are watching wrote this journal- [link]

I'm sorry for inconvieniencing you, but this is just wrong.
Jaurk Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're weird, I like that.
LucidPrincess Featured By Owner May 7, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for ur fave
(1 Reply)
NoirSuccubus Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Death is but a concept which halts the construction we live for.

Watched, and llama'd. Death is what makes the world go 'round.
(1 Reply)
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